Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas 2008 - Continued

So it's 6:30pm on Christmas evening... we've eaten breakfast, we've spent time together as a family, we've opened presents... then we all jumped in the car and headed over to the local Kaiser hospital. MY NIECE WAS BORN TODAY. We weren't really expecting my sister to have the baby today, but as it turned out... she sort of went into labor really REALLY early this morning and was having contractions all morning... during breakfast and presents and everything. So after breakfast, presents, and phone calls from both my brothers who are not with us this year... Lorah decided that it was time to head over to the hospital and have the baby.

So we got to the hospital right around 2pm, and the baby was basically born at 2:15... so it worked out quite quickly. Noelle Ann Smith was born completely and beautifully healthy with lovely blue eyes, weighing in at 8lbs and measuring in at 20.5 inches long. She is soo utterly precious and I can't wait to hold her and spend time with her.

So Lorah and Travis are still at the hospital with Noelle Ann while the rest of us are back at home with Maverick. Someone's gotta take care of the little dude while his baby sister is getting rest and getting ready to come home.

So, needless to say, we got a wonderful Christmas present... a beautiful baby!

More updates and maybe even some pictures to come.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Time

So as of right now, the beignning words typed in this blog, it is Tuesday, December 23, 2008, which actually makes it my mom's birthday. So before I even continue on with this blog, I MUST say... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY... LOVE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU DO TO MAKE THIS TIME OF YEAR AWESOME... IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING ELSE GOING ON RIGHT NOW... YOU ARE AWESOME!!

Ok... this holiday season is shaping up to be pretty interesting. I finished up my first semester as a graduate student with an A and an A-, which are both pretty damn good grades, if I do say so myself. Two As and a very satisfied sense of accomplishment, what a great way to start the holiday season. So that happened, then I had my birthday on the 20th. Yeah, this last Saturday, I turned 25, I'm officially a quarter of a century, which is cool in and of itself. It started out with hanging out with one of my best friends, Joe Denges, where we hung out, then went bowling for our mutual friend, Tessa's, college graduation party, which was pretty kick ass, Joe bought me drinks as it turned midnight, signifying my actual birthday. Then on Saturday night, I went to the Gypsy Lounge's 3rd annual Christmas Party Benefit Show which had 16 of the greatest Gypsy Lounge artists ever... what a great way to celebrate my birthday, with so many of my closest friends and hearing some of my all time favorite musicians! So that was top notch, I don't know that anyone has ever bought me so many drinks in my life, it was great and I was so very appreciative.

Then as I left the Gypsy Lounge that night, or Sunday morning around 4am, I gased up my car, packed it up and my sister, Faith, and I began the drive up here to Northern California to be with the family for Christmas. My sister, Lorah is quite pregnant and is due in about 2 weeks, but is for sure going to have the baby girl sometime before then. So there is a lot of stress going on with all of us up here, but it is a nice thing to be able to be up here with the majority of the family. So that is our Christmas time thus far... a bit crazed and kind of wild, as my family always is... but the fact is... I love it. I adore everything about the time with my family, and I couldn't be more stoked about spending all this time up here... I'll be heading home right before the new year, on the 30th... but I am very much looking forward to the next seven days!

So... with that said, I think I'm going to go to sleep. This is such a great time to be with family and I couldn't be more proud or more stoked about the family into which I was born. I'd never change a single thing about my family or anything about any of them!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH!!

And once again, before I go to sleep... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY, YOU ARE AN HONEST TREASURE!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

The beginning of my Thanksgiving week

It is November 24, 2008 today, which means that Thanksgiving is in 2 days.

My week started out on Friday night when I went to Rebecca's birthday party at The Gypsy Lounge. And let me just say, that was an awesome party and I'm glad I got to go hang out with all those wonderful people and spend time with some of my closest friends. Not to mention the fact that I got to have a sneak peek of the new Hollowell Christmas EP, and I pretty much hate Christmas music, but that EP is absolutely amazing. The emotions and the powerful greatness in each song simple touches my heart and makes me extremely happy!

So I enjoyed the delightful party and time with friends, then when I got home around 2:45am or so, I started packing up my car so that I could leave, along with my dad and two of my sisters to head up to Northern California to visit my oldest sister, my brother in law and my nephew. So once the car was packed and everything was ready, I decided to lie down in bed and literally 12 minutes later, my dad knocked on the door saying it was time to get up and get going. So after basically no sleep, I was in the shower shaving my head and preparing to leave.

So we drove, and we drove... and we drove. We got up there a little after noon, and have been spending time with my sister, brother in law and nephew ever since. My parents and sisters are staying at a rental home while I am staying here at my sister and brother in laws. So each night I go to sleep and each morning (which has only been twice thus far), I wake up with my cute little nephew RIGHT IN MY FACE... "HI, ADAM!" It is pretty much the cutest thing ever. I mean, I woke up yesterday morning with the little dude right in my face saying "hi, Adam" and reading books to me and doing all kinds of cute little dude stuff.

So its been a great few days so far. We've had booze (kick ass microbrew), we've had good food, we've enjoyed hanging out and spending time with family that we don't see too often, we've played cards (which was actually quite fun), we've done all kinds of awesomely fun stuff and I am loving every second of my time up here. We still have a night out planned for tomorrow, we are going to the Russian River Brewing Company (the place Travis works), and then, of course, we are having a big Thanksgiving dinner, which I can't wait for!

So that is my update on my week thus far, and I'll give you more details as the week progresses, but I just wanted to throw some stuff on here about my time so far.

More to come in a bit... maybe even some pictures, too.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A Tribute

There are times when we do things to remember those we've lost. We build shrines, we look at pictures, we make scrapbooks, etc. All these things we do just so that we can remember that loved one, that friend, family member, etc. once they are gone.

On March 4, 2008, my aunt Teresa lost her battle with cancer and died after many years of fighting and being an amazing woman. I didn't know her very well, but the very few moments that I actually spent with her showed me how amazing she truly was.

In the few days after she died, I was sad and angry, but wanted to do something to remember her by. I wanted something to remind me of her and how strong she was and how much of an amazing light she was to all who knew her.

I tattooed the letter "T" on my hand. It has been there ever since. I just recently re-upped the ink so that it was a darker and better eligible tattoo of the letter "T". I just thought I'd add a picture of it here so you could see it.

I miss you Aunt Teresa.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Ha... I laugh because I don't know what else to say or do.

You act as if there was never anything between us. Like there was nothing that happened between the two of us, like we had nothing.

Well... I'll show you nothing.


I once opened my eyes and felt that I was so utterly blind, that there was no hope to ever see again. I was so blinded by the world around me, I couldn't see the one thing that was most important to me. I'd open my eyes and try to focus, but all the clutter in the way blocked what I needed to see. All I saw was hate and bitterness. I saw anger, depression, racism and lies. With all this trash in my way, I couldn't truly see the importance of life.

I couldn't see the beauty all around me. I couldn't see the love surrounding me. I couldn't feel the joy of family and of friends. I was unable to open my eyes to see the wonders this world offered me. I honestly couldn't just open my eyes and see the beautiful love that is YOU.

Then I realized that my eyes WERE open. My eyes were open and they were looking... they were just looking in all the wrong places. My eyes were allowing all the hate and all the bitter things of the world seep into sight, and they weren't letting the love in.

Then one morning, I opened my eyes... and there you were. You told me that it was all going to be okay. That even though it was sometimes hard for me to see the love and the joy and the beauty of you... that it was okay. You told me that even when I can't see anything but the hate and the bitterness... that I was going to be okay, because you'd guide my eyes to see the beauty and joy and love once again.

I long for those days, because those are my good days.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

So I'm not mad... I'm sad

I don't know how else to say it. I guess part of me really REALLY wants to be utterly pissed off, and that part of me thinks I have a good reason to be so. And maybe I do... I got hurt really bad and for what seems to be an unworthy reason to be hurting, but that isn't really up to me, I guess. I just got fucked and that's just how I feel.

This is the exact reason that I didn't allow myself to be close to anyone for the longest time... it had been... it had been two years since I felt strongly about anyone, because I was just too damn afraid to let myself open up to someone like that. I was soo afraid of allowing someone to see me for me, I couldn't bare being a disappointment to yet another person in my life, and I certainly didn't want to risk getting hurt AGAIN like I have in the past. But I thought that there was something different about this wonderfully delightful girl in the cutest glasses I've ever seen... I thought that things would be awesome and great and sweet and NOT painful.

And to be honest, it was really awesome for a solid month (not a hugely long time, I know). Things were just really sweet between us. We had our disagreements, but decided it was okay to disagree, because if you care about someone, even if you disagree, you still care about that person, and that was just another wonderful thing about her, and I loved it and was so completely stoked on that whole thing. And I was beginning to completely let her in... I was beginning to totally open up and allow myself to be close to someone again.

Then... I'll admit, I fucked up and did something stupid. But that was it. No second chance, no anything. Just a somewhat harsh realization that once again in my life I wasn't good enough for someone. And I hate when that shit happens.

And what hurts the most isn't the getting somewhat dumped part, it's the part that afterwards it's almost as if nothing ever really happened. She acts just like before any of this between her and I ever happened... it's just like said said... we are JUST friends NOW... and she meant that as a good thing, trying to explain that she still really cared about me... but it still sucked. And when I told her it hurts, she asked if it was because I thought that we were only dating for like a month and like I didn't feel like she gave me a real chance. I never really thought that until she said that and then it made sense.

I feel like I deserve a full chance... another chance.

But I'm probably wrong. I usually am, anyway.

Sorry kiddo... don't mean to hurt you (if I have). I do thank you for helping to make me smile and be happy... even if only for a month. It was a very amazing month.